Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
