My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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