I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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