He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
