A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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