I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
