Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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