Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we're making bets on your personal life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
