The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
