Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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