I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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