Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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