i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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