My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
