If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
