I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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