an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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