pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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