A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
