Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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