forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
