Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
