I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
