I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
