he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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