Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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