Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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