If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The Olympian is in my bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
