Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
