I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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