I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
handjob tips. give me some.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
