i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I smell like Dick and happiness
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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