we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
