It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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