I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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