I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
