Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
