does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
