so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize