You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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