I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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