I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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