we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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