Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
