suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
