Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
