I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
