He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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