Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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