she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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