So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
