is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
