Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
