Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pants are for mortals
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
