I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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