We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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