Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize