so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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