ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
