i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
