I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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