After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
