Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
