it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
