i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
