I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
