She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
