the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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