On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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