12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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