I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize