...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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