i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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