It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
