i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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