Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
